Radical Accountability in Relationships

“It’s not fair, they never take accountability!”

“If you could just stop being so critical, then I wouldn’t get defensive.”

“I’m only so critical because you never hear me!”

It’s really easy to fall into this type of thinking when we’re stuck in a negative communication cycle with our partner. These are some of the most common types of patterns I hear with couples in my office. And, I get it - sometimes we really are responding to our partner’s behavior when we become critical or defensive.

But, if you want real change in your relationship; I mean, lasting, sustainable change…the most powerful thing you can do is accept responsibility and focus on your part. That means not pointing the blame outside of yourself, but really looking inward and taking accountability for your part.

See, when you do your part differently, it’s like changing one number in a math equation. It only takes one number changing to get a different answer. Change your part, and your partner is much more likely to change theirs. Take your partner’s feedback, and see if they are able to respond in kind.

If you’re unsure of your part, or how to do it differently, couple’s therapy can be a great way to learn. Reach out for a free consultation to learn more!